The following is very interesting. It is talking about laminin (it almost sounds like Lammiman!) and shows just how amazing our God is!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Learning about the World of Teens
Greg and I attended an awesome conference this weekend, called Re.verse. Actually, all four of our kids were also in attendance at the youth portion of the same conference. My only regret is that more parents did not take advantage of this teaching.
Chap Clark spoke on parenting teens. He is a father, youth pastor, college professor and researcher of youth and youth culture. Unlike so many speakers on youth, I was pleased to hear him stress that our children WANT and need us to be involved in their lives and to love them. He also said, “...we have been given the ultimate task of making sure our kids have the best and clearest chance to get close to Jesus, the One to whom they ultimately belong. We must do whatever it takes to get any hindrance out of the way of them encountering the true, alive, and real Jesus. That single calling summarizes your job as a parent. The point of parenting, after all is said and done, is making sure your child has had the best and clearest opportunity to get up close and personal with their Creator.” I liked this guy!
Who has God created our kids to be? Our job is to help them become a healthy individual, to find THEIR calling- absolutely unique to them.
Chap started out explaining how adolescence is relatively new. In the pre-1900s, children went from childhood into adulthood without an in-between phase. They hit puberty at an average age of 14.5 and were considered adults at age 16. In the 1980s, studies showed that children were hitting puberty at around 13 years of age and entered adulthood at between 18 to 20 years of age. Today, puberty is happening on an average age of 12 and it isn’t until the mid to late 20s that equivalent adulthood is reached. Today's 23 year old is equivalent to a 17 year old 20 years ago!
Adolescence is lengthening, and not just in our western countries, but all over the world, in every culture. One reason, among many, is because our kids feel there is nothing left for them to shoot for; innocence has been stolen from them at an early age. Another reason has to do with adult’s agendas. For example, sports. Initially, children grew up in tight knit communities where they were affirmed, disciplined and looked out for by everyone around them, Parents were ultimately in charge, but everyone had a vested interest in seeing the children in their community become healthy, productive adults. Stories were shared and passed from generation to generation. Chap gave the example of dance. Its purpose originally was a way of telling a story. It created community. Today, however, we have competitive dance, really an oxymoron, because the object is now to beat your opponent- this cannot and does not promote community. It also becomes more about the adult instructor’s agenda (not to mention the parent’s) rather than the child. The child is pressured to dance to the instructor’s rules and expectations. The first organized sports for children were created in the 1930s. Chap says we’ve made our kids modern day gladiators.
Another reason for lengthening adolescence is education. In the 1930s, high school became mediatory. It became more about socialization and how to assimilate kids into adulthood. Today, granted there are good teachers, education as a whole has become more about the adult fulfilling his agenda and not about the individual child.
Another factor is the family itself. The family tree pre-1930s looked much different than today. It was basically dad, mom, kids, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. Today, a child deals with the confusion of real dad, real mom, step dad, step mom, real sibling, step sibling, etc. Even for those children raised today with a “normal’ family tree, they are seeing all around them the realities of the expected confusion of a very mixed up family tree.
Studies also show that parents spend 40% less time with their kids than parents 30 years ago. Today’s kids have been abandoned. They become egocentric because they are abandoned.
Because of the hurt and confusion kids feel today, they have created what Chap Clark terms “The World Beneath.” They live in layers and operate out of multiple “identity candles” -choosing an identity safest for them in any given environment. They can’t put the candles together thus creating multiple personalities. As different agendas are imposed on them, they feel they are welcomed when and if they portray an image that is pleasing enough to be accepted.
Kids today have the phenomenon of clusters- friends for self-protection (not true friends though they think they are). The rule of the cluster is to protect each other. They will choose the cluster over family. However, they don’t WANT to hurt you, their parents. Therefore, they will ‘lie’ to protect you- rationalizing that it isn’t a lie for the good of protecting you.
These kids are the “stressed generation.” They have pain we can rarely see. They may respond “I’ve got it handled!” but what they are really saying is “I don’t want and can’t handle another agenda.”
The task of adolescence is about three things: identity (Who am I?), autonomy (Do I/my choices matter?), and belonging (Where do I fit?). Chap encouraged us to invite our child to teach us about their world.
What every adolescent needs...
Family safety and stability- emotional, intellectual, physical. A safe haven. Allow them to argue their faith without letting your agenda get in the way. They need to test it to make it their own. 50% of those who bail on their faith are those who were strong in youth group but felt they were never allowed to test/question. We are called to be gentle, nurturing, to build an environment of trust, closeness and communication. The bottom line for kids is the question: Is there anyone who cares?
Be understanding. Demonstrate compassion (it means to “suffer with”). Become a student of your children and his friends. Every person we meet is an opportunity. We can build them up or tear them down- never is there neutrality.
Provide boundaries, a forward looking environment where kids learn and grow. Three keys to setting boundaries:
1) The dance of negotiation. This develops their personal power which is the most important thing to give them. It allows our kids to know they are “wantable.” Every kid needs a different set of boundaries. We need to encourage power but still be in control. DO THIS WITH RESPECTFUL DIALOGUE.
2) The tapestry of consequences. Consequences of breaking boundaries must be related to learning and growing from the situation.
30 The drama of authentic relationships. Studies show that the healthiest kids are good friends with their parents. LIKE your kids and let them know you do!
Developing adolescent faith is about helping them to find their personal calling. We must do this with gentleness (1Thess. 2:7-8). We need to remember that human and spiritual development stages are related. I Thess. 2:11-12 says to give encouragement and comfort, and to be a FAN! (not a coach). We need to create a faith parenting community, a convergence of at least five caring adults that are crazy about our child.
Chap Clark spoke on parenting teens. He is a father, youth pastor, college professor and researcher of youth and youth culture. Unlike so many speakers on youth, I was pleased to hear him stress that our children WANT and need us to be involved in their lives and to love them. He also said, “...we have been given the ultimate task of making sure our kids have the best and clearest chance to get close to Jesus, the One to whom they ultimately belong. We must do whatever it takes to get any hindrance out of the way of them encountering the true, alive, and real Jesus. That single calling summarizes your job as a parent. The point of parenting, after all is said and done, is making sure your child has had the best and clearest opportunity to get up close and personal with their Creator.” I liked this guy!
Who has God created our kids to be? Our job is to help them become a healthy individual, to find THEIR calling- absolutely unique to them.
Chap started out explaining how adolescence is relatively new. In the pre-1900s, children went from childhood into adulthood without an in-between phase. They hit puberty at an average age of 14.5 and were considered adults at age 16. In the 1980s, studies showed that children were hitting puberty at around 13 years of age and entered adulthood at between 18 to 20 years of age. Today, puberty is happening on an average age of 12 and it isn’t until the mid to late 20s that equivalent adulthood is reached. Today's 23 year old is equivalent to a 17 year old 20 years ago!
Adolescence is lengthening, and not just in our western countries, but all over the world, in every culture. One reason, among many, is because our kids feel there is nothing left for them to shoot for; innocence has been stolen from them at an early age. Another reason has to do with adult’s agendas. For example, sports. Initially, children grew up in tight knit communities where they were affirmed, disciplined and looked out for by everyone around them, Parents were ultimately in charge, but everyone had a vested interest in seeing the children in their community become healthy, productive adults. Stories were shared and passed from generation to generation. Chap gave the example of dance. Its purpose originally was a way of telling a story. It created community. Today, however, we have competitive dance, really an oxymoron, because the object is now to beat your opponent- this cannot and does not promote community. It also becomes more about the adult instructor’s agenda (not to mention the parent’s) rather than the child. The child is pressured to dance to the instructor’s rules and expectations. The first organized sports for children were created in the 1930s. Chap says we’ve made our kids modern day gladiators.
Another reason for lengthening adolescence is education. In the 1930s, high school became mediatory. It became more about socialization and how to assimilate kids into adulthood. Today, granted there are good teachers, education as a whole has become more about the adult fulfilling his agenda and not about the individual child.
Another factor is the family itself. The family tree pre-1930s looked much different than today. It was basically dad, mom, kids, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. Today, a child deals with the confusion of real dad, real mom, step dad, step mom, real sibling, step sibling, etc. Even for those children raised today with a “normal’ family tree, they are seeing all around them the realities of the expected confusion of a very mixed up family tree.
Studies also show that parents spend 40% less time with their kids than parents 30 years ago. Today’s kids have been abandoned. They become egocentric because they are abandoned.
Because of the hurt and confusion kids feel today, they have created what Chap Clark terms “The World Beneath.” They live in layers and operate out of multiple “identity candles” -choosing an identity safest for them in any given environment. They can’t put the candles together thus creating multiple personalities. As different agendas are imposed on them, they feel they are welcomed when and if they portray an image that is pleasing enough to be accepted.
Kids today have the phenomenon of clusters- friends for self-protection (not true friends though they think they are). The rule of the cluster is to protect each other. They will choose the cluster over family. However, they don’t WANT to hurt you, their parents. Therefore, they will ‘lie’ to protect you- rationalizing that it isn’t a lie for the good of protecting you.
These kids are the “stressed generation.” They have pain we can rarely see. They may respond “I’ve got it handled!” but what they are really saying is “I don’t want and can’t handle another agenda.”
The task of adolescence is about three things: identity (Who am I?), autonomy (Do I/my choices matter?), and belonging (Where do I fit?). Chap encouraged us to invite our child to teach us about their world.
What every adolescent needs...
Family safety and stability- emotional, intellectual, physical. A safe haven. Allow them to argue their faith without letting your agenda get in the way. They need to test it to make it their own. 50% of those who bail on their faith are those who were strong in youth group but felt they were never allowed to test/question. We are called to be gentle, nurturing, to build an environment of trust, closeness and communication. The bottom line for kids is the question: Is there anyone who cares?
Be understanding. Demonstrate compassion (it means to “suffer with”). Become a student of your children and his friends. Every person we meet is an opportunity. We can build them up or tear them down- never is there neutrality.
Provide boundaries, a forward looking environment where kids learn and grow. Three keys to setting boundaries:
1) The dance of negotiation. This develops their personal power which is the most important thing to give them. It allows our kids to know they are “wantable.” Every kid needs a different set of boundaries. We need to encourage power but still be in control. DO THIS WITH RESPECTFUL DIALOGUE.
2) The tapestry of consequences. Consequences of breaking boundaries must be related to learning and growing from the situation.
30 The drama of authentic relationships. Studies show that the healthiest kids are good friends with their parents. LIKE your kids and let them know you do!
Developing adolescent faith is about helping them to find their personal calling. We must do this with gentleness (1Thess. 2:7-8). We need to remember that human and spiritual development stages are related. I Thess. 2:11-12 says to give encouragement and comfort, and to be a FAN! (not a coach). We need to create a faith parenting community, a convergence of at least five caring adults that are crazy about our child.
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