Life at the Lammimans: Love Languages

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Love Languages

Have you ever thought you knew someone very well only to find out that wasn't the case? I've been reading The Five Love Languages of Teenagers and I surmised that I had my kid's love languages pegged. Well, I had them take the 'test' anyway, and lo and behold, Shalayne and Travis have completely different love languages than I thought! It's true, we are always learning about one another, and that is why I read books like this, that I might relate to my family better! Sometimes what I find out throws me for a loop!! Do you know your love language or that of those around you?

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Encouragement For Homeschool Moms

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 58:11, a great verse of encouragement.

And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give you strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

I like what Melody Beatte has to say:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Ultimately, the best advise I can give you today is that...

JESUS MUST BE THE SOURCE OF OUR REFRESHMENT.

I have a passion for motherhood and homeschooling. I am entering another season of life where I no longer have little ones... this is my 15th year homeschooling and this year my baby turns 13. The past two summers were extremely different for me because I found myself alone allot. I found out that I really didn’t like it and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself! Don’t get me wrong- there is always something to do! And I remember the years when I yearned for a moment to myself. Anyway, I’ve found myself contemplating where I’ve been and where I’m going. Hopefully, some of my experience will be an encouragement to you. The last thing I want to do is make you feel guilty or more overwhelmed.

There are so many things I could say, but three things have stood out in my mind: Believe in your calling, surround yourself with those who believe as you do and are on your side, and guard your family.

1. Believe in your calling.

Have you ever faltered when someone asks you what you do, or answered, “I’m just a stay-at-home mom, and, oh, I homeschool”? Do you feel, deep down, intimidated by the working mother who has a career and a maid or nanny?

I am the administrator/instructor of an exclusive, multigrade academy designed with the express purpose of enhancing and maximizing potential in a select group of creative individuals!

I love this definition and I keep it out where I can read it often. Sometimes I even quote it when people ask me what I do- it’s kinda fun to watch their reaction!

God has called you to motherhood and to homeschooling your children. “Home schooling is the right thing to do”, says my friend, Sally Clarkson.

“No matter what multitude of reasons may have initially influenced your decision to bring your children home, in the end the only reason that really matters is that it is the right thing to do. In your heart, God moved you toward the decision, confirming through a variety of sources that you were doing the right thing. And in your heart, you made the step of faith to do what you knew was right-to bring your children home to disciple and educate them as a family.”

God has employed you to raise up children equipped to fight for the good of His eternal kingdom. Diana Warring says,

“We need to relinquish ownership into the Master’s capable hands. We need to walk in an awareness that God Himself is behind this parenting/homeschooling movement, raising up a whole group of stable, disciplined, young people to go to the nations!”

This is HUGE! And the devil knows it and so he will do everything he can to discourage and deter you. And so you MUST know why motherhood and homeschooling are your high calling.

What does Satan, through the world, tell you?

*You should have a career to be fulfilled.
*Put yourself first; take time to discover the things you want.
*A small family is best.
*Put your child in daycare, kindergarten, school and lots of activities.
*Motherhood is not “real” work.
*You don’t have the expertise to teach your children.

Last year my husband and I attended a leadership meeting at our church. Our children’s ministry pastor made a comment that really saddened me, saying that one of the reasons parents give for not teaching Sunday School is that they do not feel qualified to teach their own children. I know we have probably all had mothers say to us, “I could never teach my kids at home like you do!” and here are Christian parents saying that they can’t teach their own children the stories of the Bible.

What does God say?

Titus 2:4-5
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be workers (busy) at home, to be kind, ...

John 15:12-13
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (Lay down my life and put my family’s needs first above mine)

Psalm 127:3
Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him...Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

Genesis 1:28
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number...

Duet. 6:6-7
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Prov. 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

1 Thess. 2:7
But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.

Psalm 113:9
He settles the barren woman in her home as a joyful mother of children.

Titus 2:4-5
Love their children

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house- a plan for building my family

We cannot homeschool successfully on our own. We must rely on God’s power. Patti Love Johnson puts it well:

"God asks, ‘So what is my plan for your homeschool for the godly instruction of the precious children I have entrusted to your care? It is that you be where you are right now. Standing at the crossroads of failure and success, realizing that you can do nothing. Because at this point, you can now make the choice. Will you choose to allow ME to teach your child through you? Are you willing to admit you don’t have all the answers, apologize when you ‘blow it’ and more than anything else, point that child to where the answers can be found- in ME? I have given you the best text book of all, my Living Word! And the whole world is the classroom I have prepared for you and your child. You cannot teach your child, but I can teach both of you. Not just the education that the world values so highly, but also the priceless wisdom of my Father."

Col. 2:8
See to it that no one takes you captive through the philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.

2. Surround yourself with those who believe as you do and are on your side.

Guess what? God is on your side! The most important thing is our relationship with God. This relationship is not built only on spending one hour a week in church, but in time alone with God, listening, and getting to know His heart. It requires time and commitment. Don’t let Satan sabotage this time. If nothing else is done each day, why not the quiet times? When we seek God first, He has promised to add the rest. I know that when I begin our homeschool day with prayer and bible reading, everything else seems to fall into place so much better. It sets the tone for our whole day. On those days that I let it slide because “we are too busy”, the whole day becomes a case of rush, rush, rush, and trying to catch up.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways (homeschooling included) acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

Cindy Rushton says,

“In our culture, we have almost deified education at the expense of dethroning God! Education has become an idol that demands worship of those from all faiths and cultures. Yet, even education will not bring that soul satisfaction that we all seek for! We are made with a void in our souls that cannot be satisfied with anyone or anything else but God.”

Make it a priority to seek God first to nourish your own soul. This is a spiritual battle; it is hard because our soul does not always scream out for help like the cares of the world do.

Surround yourself with a Support Group and friends.

Make friends with other homeschooling families for you and your kids. We all need to know we are not in this journey alone. It's too easy to become isolated and vulnerable. A support group provides encouragement and the social contact that most of us women crave and need to keep going. It also provides a source of identity, friends and activities for your children. Our family has tried to give our kids as much exposure, even beyond our local support group, to other homeschooled, Christian kids. That’s why we make the effort to attend Homeschool Camp, to take our kids with us to the AHEA Convention. I want my kids to know that there are many other families who believe as we do; they are not alone, or ‘weird’! But those relationships are just as important for my husband and myself, to remind us of the importance of what we are doing.

A common saying is that you will be like the five people you spend the most time with, so it's important to spend time with people you want to be like (and stop spending time with people you don't want to be like.) We need to take a good, hard look at who our primary influencers are. Are they truly supporting and reiterating God’s truths into your life rather than Satan’s lies?

Surround yourself with Books, magazines, on-line newsletters that support your convictions.

Clay and Sally Clarkson:

“A certain degree of isolation is the price you will pay for the choice to give your children the opportunity to learn at home. You will need regular encouragement to strengthen your convictions and to keep going as a home educator, so do what you tell your children to do- look to your books. Start building a library section of books on home schooling.”

Some of the most influential people in my life have been mentors that I have never met personally but through books. I love Sally Clarkson and she has probably most helped me to really work through why I homeschool and what it means to be a godly homeschooling mother. I recommend her books: Educating the Wholehearted Child, Season’s of a Mother’s Heart, The Mission of Motherhood, The Mom Walk.

I would love to spend time with Diana Warring and her family, but I feel as if I already know them through her books, Beyond Survival and Reaping the Harvest. I have spent hours pouring over Senior High -A Home Designed Form+U+La by Barb Sheldon to solidify how I would mentor my kids through their high school years.

I receive encouraging newsletters on-line from:
Sally Clarkson (www.wholeheart.org)
Lisa Whelchel (www.lisawhelchel.com)
Vision Forum (familyvision@lists.visionforum.com)
Maxwells (dadsandmomscorners@titus2.com)
www.homeschoolmarketplace.com

Seminars, workshops, CDs are also a great support.

Over the years our family has taken in many AHEA conventions, local workshops, Homeschool Camp, etc. Our local support group also buys many seminars on CD and we take advantage of these (great to listen to in the car).

We are relational beings, and, ultimately, all of our problems are relational. Often, we don’t need time-management courses or housekeeping seminars, we need spiritual friendships, mentors, and counselors who help us develop right relationships with others and with God. Larry Crabb says in The Safest Place on Earth that all Christians yearn for

"...a community of friends who are hungry for God, who knows what it means to sense the Spirit moving within them as they speak with you. You long for brothers and sisters who are intent not on figuring out how to improve your life, but on being with you wherever your journey leads.”

3. Guard your family.

Wrap your schedule around your family life rather than around “school”. Seek out a lifestyle of learning rather than “school at home.” Cindy Rushton says,

“Learn together. Learn from each other. Set up a lifestyle of learning that can go on for generations to come!”

Family time is just as important as academics- and I believe even more so, especially in this day and age. Think back to your schooling. When did you learn best? I know for me, I learned the most when I was emotionally engaged. Rote learning tended to usually stay in my short term memory, until the end of the test, and then it was gone. But if I was excited or passionate about something, and I had someone to share it with (remember we are relational beings)- I still remember it to this day. Geography never made sense to me until I traveled and became engaged in that learning. I believe that real life is the best teacher. So, allow time to pursue 'life’ together: gardening, building a deck, cooking, traveling, video making. My kids have learned more in being involved together in an interesting pursuit than in the hours finishing worksheets or ‘studying’ a required text.

Be flexible.

Can you, without guilt (and I am also talking to myself here!), take the day off to enjoy the first snowfall? Or spontaneously enjoy a beautiful day for a picnic and hike? Our kids have never forgotten the night we woke them all up in the middle of the night and took them out to our trampoline where we wrapped ourselves in blankets and lay on our backs to watch the meteor showers. I enjoy the flexibility of homeschooling that allows us to take time off when my mom, a missionary, comes home to visit. Another memory we share as a family is the seven week trip we took to travel (and camp in our tent trailer) across our great country of Canada.

“As we go through life, we find that life is so short. The sunny moments simply must be snatched along the way. Some lessons only come along once in a lifetime!”

Chose the BEST!

When I was homeschooled (grade 9-12), we had a choice of three curriculums. There were no support groups or activities for homeschoolers. People didn’t even know what homeschooling meant! Today, the pendulum has swung the opposite way. The curriculum choices are overwhelming and if we were to give our children all the opportunities available to them, we all would become burned out!

Is more really better? There are so many GOOD things. Again, Cindy Rushton says this well.

“We must be very particular! We must reach for the BEST! We must guard our routine to make sure that we make time for the impotant...the eternal! Everything in our day must be evaluated from an eternal perspective, leaving only those things that work toward the very best!”

The Clarksons tell us,

"God has given you all you need to train and educate your children at home- its in real books and real life.”

Certainly, certain curriculums can be and are an asset, but please guard yourself from being discouraged because you cannot have it all. I firmly believe that God will provide you with everything you need if you but ask. Just remember, often what He knows we need and what we think we need can be two different things!

As homeschool moms, we all wonder at times if we are giving our children what they need, teaching them the ‘right’ way (whatever that is), providing the ‘right’ activities. As I look back on my oldest son’s schooling, I can see how God led us every step of the way. Dallas started out in a Christian school (this was the compromise- I having been homeschooled and my husband being a public school teacher). Kindergarden was great for Dallas (though I cried when I left him there). It was full of activity and as he remembers best, lots of “dress-up.”

Grade one was a different story. Dallas changed from a sweet, compliant, happy child to an angry child. The teacher told me he refused to do his work so she kept him in from recess. She told me I was responsible not to make him happy, but to make him behave. The thing was, he had never been a discipline problem before. Long story short, we brought Dallas home.

If all had been well, I may never have homeschooled, though that was really the desire of my heart. But God knew just how to bring that to be. With the pressure off, we started to see Dallas smile again. But it took many, many years for him to gain back his self-confidence and sense of worth.

As it turned out, through my study, we found that Dallas has dyslexia. Yes, we had him tested and assessed, and not to sound conceited, but I always knew as much or more than the ‘experts’ from my reading. So we tailored his learning at home to his strengths and giftings.

Through the years God has provided so many ways for Dallas to use his strengths that I believe would not necessarily have happened in school just because all his energy would have been directed to ‘fixing’ his ‘problem’, and with the anger that was displayed in such a short time, I think he would have very likely become a school dropout.

Some of the many opportunities God has given Dallas have been the opportunity to sing and travel with the Young Canadian Continentals (a monetary commitment which God filled to the penny and beyond), to take leading rolls in the Passion Play and to work for three months at the Passion Play site- his job being guest services and acting (he got paid to do what he loves to do!), to do extensive study of film-making which in turn led him to create several films that have been recognized at film festivals, to successfully teach his own moviemaking school to other homeschoolers (their film also made it as a film festival finalist), to develop, with two other men, a Christian Film Festival in Alberta, and to start his own Movie Making Business in partnership with his dad. Despite what the world would call ‘disabilities’, and without a high school diploma, Dallas is using his potentials and God given gifts to make a positive mark on this world.

I found it easier when the kids were young to make family time priority and keep the “away from home” activities minimized. I would enroll everyone in the same things at the same time (ie: swimming lessons). We also tried to leave as many evenings open as we could so we could be all together as a family with dad. We have always made sure one night a week is set aside as Family Night.

As the kids get older, though, their interests have diversified and they all have different things they would like to do. It would be very easy to be running all the time, and sometimes, I admit, it does feel that way. We constantly have to evaluate whether the activity is really the best for our family. It may be a good thing, but does it warrant time away from the family? The year that we took seven weeks to travel across Canada our kids had to miss attending church camp, which they love. But that experience was one of the best things our family ever did together, not just educationally, but relationally. Another “BEST” thing we have done together as a family has been to participate for the past three years in the Canadian Badlands Passion Play. Initially, we had thought we would just send our son Dallas to the summer school, but how glad we are that we decided to do this together as a family. It has been an extreme blessing to us all.

There’s a book called Never Miss a Sunset. Do you have time to watch the sunset... time to play... time to make sweet memories... time to really enjoy your children... time to pass on God’s truth?

Believe in what you are doing. surround yourself with those who believe likewise, and guard and cherish your family. Homeschool moms are the greatest heroes-that’s you!

Search me (and our homeschool), oh God, and know my heart. Point out anything in me (or our homeschool) that makes you sad, and lead me (our homeschool) along the path of everlasting life.

Life at the Lammimans

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Love Languages

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